By Way of Pain

Story

Tranter lay on his stomach with his eyes closed. He hummed with excitement like a ball of fire coiled inside his stomach. His breath raced up as he anticipated what was to come. It was hard to persuade his father to agree to it, but Tranter always got his way.

His father took two weeks to repeatedly test the tool for his safety. Meanwhile, Tranter dreamt of his father hitting him with his usual gentle strength. Now he anticipated the coming feast of pain, heat and pleasure. The hair of his skin stood. His skin tingled with expectation.

“I’m ready, father. Do it now,” Tranter said, not quite pouting. When his father touched his shoulder lightly, Tranter leaned into the touch. Tranter enjoyed his father's warmth, comfort and reassurance. Only his father would shower him with love without looking for anything in return

His father gently rubbed his shoulder. “Tell me to stop any time you want, and I will. I don't want you to hurt yourself.”

“Don’t worry, father. I can take care of myself.”

“Like last time?” his father said dryly.

“That ‘s why I can trust only you to be with me. I know you’ll take care of me.”

His father was quiet after that. Tranter sighed when his father worked on the knots of his shoulders. Then his father continued. “I wonder if I have fulfilled my duty to you. Perhaps if I was better…”

“You’re the best father one could have, and I’m proud of being your son.” Tranter hated when his father blamed himself for imaginary failure in his rearing. Tranter chose to be the person he was now. If there was something good in his dark soul, it was only because of his father.

However, Tranter could only enjoy this because his father felt responsible for Tranter’s well being. He had always been his father’s only weakness, and he was willing to exploit this for his benefit.

“Father, I need it,” Tranter said softly, adding some desperation into his voice.

As he expected, his father yielded. " I will begin to use the tool to hit you on your back. It was made with soft leather, and I’ll brush the tail over your skin."

When Tranter’s father brushed the soft leather flogger across Tranter’s back, Tranter shivered in excitement. “Please start now.”

“Let's give it a test,” Tranter’s father said. Then he started to hit Tranter’s back lightly with the flogger once.

When the strands of leather hit his back, Tranter felt a sharp sting mixed with deeper thuds that dug deep under his skin, but the pain was manageable. “I’m all right. Go ahead”

Father sounded pleased. “Then I’ll start now.”

His father steadily delivered the hit to the precise spot on Tranter's body. After a dozen of hits, Tranter relaxed into the burn and pain, but it wasn't enough "Harder!"

His father picked up his pace and after a number of hits that Tranter lost count of, Tranter panted and squirmed under the hit, his tears swelling up. His father paused and asked, “Are you all right?”

“Don’t stop!”

The pain and heat and excitement spiked up, bringing Tranter into a new high of exaltation. His father alternated with light and strong touch, hitting his back with the flogger. Tranter floated in a cloud of comfort and calm. He was so relaxed that he could dwell here forever.

Then his nerves sparked.

Tranter craved pain. Pain calmed his mind, and sparked pleasure in himself like a grand firework display. It freed him from bondage of life for now, allowing him to reach for the sky.

When he returned to the Earth, his father's embrace grounded him, his father's clean smell and soothing whisper fostering a sense of safety in him. The world narrowed to only them together, with Tranter floating in a sea of joy and peace.

When his father cleaned him up and massaged his back with ointment, Tranter asked, "Next time?"

“Next time,” his father said.

Tranter smiled. Before he fell into sleep, his last thought was that he was the luckiest man in the world.